Finding Integrity Over Despair in a New Stage of Life

Are you becoming bitter or better as you age?

That is a simplistic way of summarizing a more profound concept articulated by psychoanalyst Erik Erickson in his eight stages of psycho-social development. He calls the eighth and final stage “integrity versus despair.” For Erickson, this stage includes “a retrospective accounting of one’s life to date; how much one embraces life as having been well-lived, as opposed to regretting missed opportunities.”  

I have also observed that we tend to become more reflective about our lives as we age. We may be asking, “Did my life have any meaning?” “Did I make a difference in the world?” “What could I have done differently?” 

Erickson’s eighth stage, which he suggests begins around age 65, “may be triggered by live events such as retirement, the loss of a spouse, the loss of friends and acquaintances, facing a terminal illness, and other changes to major roles in life.”(1)

For the past several weeks, I’ve been absorbed in an intense process of scanning our family photo albums and preserving them digitally in the cloud and on my computer and iPhone. That way, I can view them anytime, anywhere, and even share them via an email link with family members. I’ve also been collating and arranging pictures and documents from my ministry of 50 years, resulting in two very thick three-ring notebooks with plastic page protectors. The exercise has helped me to view my life through the lens of Erickson’s integrity versus despair theory. While there are some things I may have done differently in life, the overall impression I am gaining is gratitude for God’s faithfulness in my life and calling.

The alternative in Erickson’s theory is that one may end up in despair, resulting in bitterness and regret as one begins to face the reality of their own mortality. Perhaps you have known people, even Christians, who reflect more disappointment in later life rather than a sense of fulfillment.

As a Christian, I can embrace the sovereign hand of God and recognize the tapestry God has woven throughout my life, leading me each step of the way. The Apostle Paul, when considering the final stage of his life, was able to say, 

     For I am ready to be poured out life a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith. Now there  is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day–not only to me but also to all who have longed for his appearing.    (II Timothy 4:7-8) 

It would be hard to find a more remarkable example of integration versus despair!

(1) Kendra Cherry, MSEd, 2.28.2023 published in Very Well Mind.  Cherry quotes Erik Erikson’s work from 1982. https://www.verywellmind.com/integrity-versus-despair-2795738
Illustration depicting Erickson's Stages of Development from https://www.whaddayaknowabout.com