The Great Chicken Conspiracy

It is an election year, so we’re rife with conspiracy theories and conspiratorial talk.  But, alas, my experience is of another type; what I will call “The Great Chicken Conspiracy.” 

Years ago, I had a barbecue grill with an electric rotisserie attachment.  It was great. Fun to use , it produced great tasting chicken and other meats fit for the spit. 

More recently, my grill was reduced to a smaller cylindrical model, and I lost the rotisserie spit.
This summer, we replaced that old grill with a multi-burner gas unit that did have the option to use a spit. 

I should have been better prepared as availability of whole chickens dropped and prices soared during COVID and several waves of avian flu. 

So, the idea of being able to do my own rotisserie chicken, with a reasonably priced bird, turned out to be a fantasy.
Checking the local grocery stores, Aldi (the German-based discount chain found in many parts of USA) did sell Tyson whole chicken for about $6.50, where other stores sold them for nearly double that—if they even had them—which was rare.  A little more available were organic, free-range, and other specialty birds sold for at least double that!  

Okay, blame avian flu, but if this was true now why did packages of various chicken parts seem so readily available? I did not want a disassembled bird. I just wanted to make my own rotisserie chicken without paying an arm and a leg for it!

So, it quickly became evident I could be the subject of a giant conspiracy.  Just as big-name grocery store bakeries had wiped out most local bakers, these same stores began offering rotisserie chicken—often at bargain prices (I recently got one for $4,99) to entice shoppers with the beginnings of a quick evening meal.

Fine, a nice option we have taken advantage of ourselves. But was it necessary to remove whole “regular” birds from the meat department, leaving only much more expensive versions, if any at all? That is depriving me of the simple pleasure of purchasing and preparing my own at a reasonable price.

Fortunately, pork shoulder, lamb and beef roasts, even turkey (all usually subject to good sale prices), take much longer to prepare than the average young chicken (at an hour or less), so they don’t seem doomed to the same fate, at least at the average grocery store.

So, in the end, my spit may find other meat on it to bring back the satisfaction of spit-roasted meat, producing gourmet results with less than shocking prices.

Fire up the grill! Turn on the spit!

(c) 2024 Stuart Johnson