Mentoring

A newspaper article mentioned that one of the States is requiring its high school students to choose a major. A major in high school? Imagine. Many college students are struggling with choosing a major. And rightfully so.

Adults, parents and grandparents, even great grandparents, exert an influence on the up and coming generation(s) for good or ill, or perhaps somewhat neutrally. Our senior moment may be that moment when the phone rings, or junior whips into the driveway or we get that special letter: HELP. Especially if unexpected.

Now, the help desired can be one of many things: advice, money, maybe temporary housing. It can be almost anything, welcomed or otherwise. Usually we have a few choices: OK, no, maybe or more info please, or later. The worst I suppose is to totally ignore their request which at times may be  in order if this is an habitual thing.

Rather than deal with several scenarios, let's examine only one: giving advice (not money, a guest room, a set of wheels or a debit card). Seven years, enjoyable in many ways, I spent on the college campus as a faculty member, administrator, resident counselor, adviser (with pay) and mentor (without pay).

This was long ago but seems like yesterday. It was during the raucous '60s when lots of students were giving answers rather than asking questions. Our particular institution felt that advising students was important (not a volunteer task but part of our teaching load).  It was ideal for incoming students and welcomed with a mixed response. One of the crucial issues was deciding on a major (and a minor or two perhaps).

How well I remember giving the sage advice (at least sage to me at the time) not to worry about choosing a major but to treat their college experience as a passport, not a ticket to a vocation. This kind of advising also became a form of mentoring. Without splitting hairs, lets say that mentoring is a give-and-take process of guiding an individual rather than simply giving advice.

Adults, including seniors relating to those younger, less salty and inexperienced, tend to be overly generous with advice (and tangible tokens) and less inclined to become mentors. This expression mentor seems to be  in vogue nowadays which is good. One dictionary puts it like this: men'tor, n. friend or a sage adviser. That's it: a friend and a sage adviser. A wonderful combination.

When that phone call comes, or the squeal of tires on your driveway, or possibly an urgent certified letter (or even an e-mail missile), why not think as a mentor rather than a benefactor, a true friend rather than a handy relative, and as a sage (a wise person, venerable for years, of sound judgment).

If this sounds too good to be true it probably is. Maybe we've never tried this, or we've bent over backward to be a pal or a buddy, or we simply are out of touch. Mentoring beats giving advice, isn't hung up on a perfect answer, and must be earned, not inherited. Imagine the pleasure of saying I'm not an old man (or woman), I'm a sage. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Maybe mentoring is overdue. That's why it has surfaced here and there but unfortunately, not everywhere. At least not until some of us get with it.