Open-Face Generation

We’re heard about the sandwich generation but have you heard about the open-face generation? Let’s review this for our mutual education. The sandwich generation involves three (usually) generations living under one roof. Or, three generations which may be of deep concern (and responsibility) to the middle generation but living apart.

For example, the middle generation may be responsible for the care and welfare of their elderly parent(s) who may or may not live with them. They are also responsible for their children, who may have moved back home (the boomerang kid syndrome). This can be a tough role to play for junior seniors (60 and over more or less). Yet this senior moment can arrive at any time, unexpectedly or the fulfillment of a hunch. A job loss, a marital breakdown, a sudden stroke or incapacity of elderly parents.

The open-face generation is just what you expected: it involves the care/responsibility of either elderly parents or a child who moves back home, temporarily or longer. For those caught in the middle (or simply involved), the experience can range from delight to despair. After all, these senior moments can be idyllic or heaven forbid, devastating.

This moment as mentioned can be a sudden phenomenon or a gradual realization. Lately we have seen some serious unsettling of employment for many as well as critical losses of retirement benefits stemming from unfortunate financial setbacks. When looking forward with a certain degree of expectation to an empty-nest reality (some hate it while others revel in it), to suddenly find ourselves caregivers again can be a sobering experience.

Let’s say Johnny comes marching home again after dumping his wife and abandoning his children plus losing his job and subsequently his savings at his favorite roulette table. Since he is destitute, he arrives on your doorstep with his meager belongings. Do you throw your arms around him, slam the door shut or look for some sign of remorse (he was a bit too cocky for your pleasure). The moral of the story: every situation is different and demands its own response.

But suppose Johnny came crawling home, broken-hearted over the loss of his wife and kids, and solicits your help in saving his self-esteem, and with it, his family, vowing to repay you for his trouble as soon as he recovers.

This was an open-face situation. Let’s look at another. Your parents are pushing ninety and live alone, managing quite well when suddenly, Grandpa has a stroke and Grandma cannot take care of him so a nursing home is found. But it is expensive. Grandma finds it difficult to manage by herself but doesn’t need nursing care at the moment. So, do you take her into your home? What if she refuses to go, demanding her independence but unable to handle it. What if she lives a mile away, or 1,000 miles?

What if these dear souls were saints? But what if Grandpa were an ornery, stingy, irresponsible, insensitive boor causing Grandma to suffer most of her married life? Sobering, isn’t it, how complicated these senior moments can be? Best to be prepared, forewarned? Alas, that may not be possible. Or even imagined